Good Kitty, Good Doctors, Bad News

September 17, 2010

The story begins in this way.  It was a tired out, grumpy Friday night.  I had a cold and I was tired from too damn many fundraisers that week so I cancelled plans to go to the Greek Festival with friends and hit the couch instead.  The cats were all too happy to join me.  Herman always sits on the back of the couch but Spikey likes to lay on me instead.  So we were chilling for the night.  Spikey decides it is time to go get a nibble and in getting off me, steps on my right breast.  Not unusual but damn it hurt this time.  Odd but I thought well she just poked me just right and it would stop hurting but it didn’t.  Weird.  I mean what did she stab me with a toy or something, so I felt it and OMG there was a lump.  We aren’t talking a small lump – a lump that felt like a golf ball.  Nothing I could have missed in my monthly check, nothing that showed up in my February mammogram – but the cat found exactly the stop.  Good kitty. 

A freaking lump in my breast.  I can tell you that have never seen a chick move so fast from the couch and run into the bathroom to check it out – and in the mirror I could see that something was up.  Well crap it is a Friday night and there is nothing I can do about it, but clearly I was disturbed.  I went on line and talked to a couple friends and the general thought was it had to be something other than breast cancer because that doesn’t usually hurt.  So I tried to not worry too much, took a couple Tylenol and just waited for the weekend to be done so I could call the doctor. 

On Monday, I called Dr. Bae and explained the situation – she said she would see me as soon as I could get there.  Elvis can go really fast when I want him to.  She takes a look and says she thinks it is some type of infection, not uncommon, and as I suspected breast cancer doesn’t usually hurt.  She reminded me that I had a clear mammogram in February but that we would check this out thoroughly but in the meantime start anti-biotics because it is probably and infection.  Sounded reasonable.  She got me in for a quick mammogram and ultrasound that Wednesday that Holy Crapola hurt so bad I almost screamed and also showed some kind of mass but of course couldn’t tell what kind it was and the radiologist confirmed my thought that a biopsy was in my future.  I was supposed to have a follow up with Dr. Bae on Friday but she instead made an appointment with a breast specialist. 

Enter Dr. Golesorkhi and the Center for Breast Health at Virginia Hospital Center.  Note to the wise: If you ever go to Virginia Hospital Center for anything – ask the people you are going to what freaking parking lot to use or you will be in a freaking maze for an hour – ack!  I went there thinking this was still pretty much a consult and that there would be a biopsy in the future.  But after looking at my screenings and an exam, she said while she agreed it was probably an infection that she didn’t want to wait to do a biopsy and that in fact, she could do it that very day.  Actually three – one of the skin, one of the lymph node and one of the tumor itself.  I watched the whole thing on the ultrasound screen and was totally cool about it until I went to get dressed and shook so hard I couldn’t do a button myself and thought I was going to pass out.  In retrospect, probably would have been good to take a friend to that appointment – sheesh.  All of the women who work at the center are so kind and reassuring though and they had me calmed down in no time and on my way home to rest… and to wait, wait, wait.  BTW I must endorse Edy’s Maxx Butterfinger Ice Cream as a cure for after-biopsy-freak-out.  Magical.

That was on Friday, September 24.  By Wednesday the next week, the freak-out had fully returned but by the time I called Dr. Golesorkhi’s office, they were closed for the day. Double D Drat Drat!  I was determined to call the minute I got the chance the following morning. 

It was a dark and stormy Thursday….… No really it was.  I woke up feeling a literal and figurative cloud over my head.  Somehow I just knew something bad was about to happen.  A brutal monsoon of a rainstorm and an early meeting on Korea Free Trade kept me from being able to call the doctor first thing.  There I sat, soggy and worried, trying my damndest to pay attention to Ambassador Han talk about an epic free trade agreement.  I told myself as soon as the meeting was done, I would call.  Focus, focus, focus.  No that didn’t help because when I think about Korea and I can’t actually concentrate I think about Kim Jong Il and that silly Team America movie where every time they interrupt Kim Jong Il he yells “Don’t you know how !@$!ing busy I am!?!”  (yes this matters in the story)  and for those who haven’t seen the movie and are not offended by off color language -Team America Kim Jong Il   -)  

So just as Ambassador Han finishes his talk and the meeting wraps up, my phone rings and before I looked at it, I knew it was Dr. Golesorkhi.  I ran into the hall to take it and there in the Capitol, looking out at the tempest on the National Mall, I heard for the first time that I have breast cancer.  I was quiet as she explained that she had not expected this result and that the skin and lymph nodes were clear but the tumor was indeed breast cancer. 

All I could think at that moment in time was Kim Jong Il’s voice saying “Don’t you know how!@$!ing busy I am!”  She asked if I was alright and I said “I don’t want to say anything inappropriate.” She said oh you can say anything you want – I still declined instead asked what would be next.  We set an appointment for the next Monday to get a plan together.   I wanted to run away but trapped by the monsoon, I just went out the back of the Capitol and sat in the drive-through portico getting more pissed off by the minute, thinking of how my life had just changed – again. 

Really?  Really Cancer???
You picked the wrong girl – “Don’t you know how !@$!ing busy I am!??!?!?”