(Ok about time I get this post done since today I am two months out from surgery today!)
I distinctly remember waking up from surgery because I was suddenly REALLY wide awake. My first thought was “Thank God I woke up!” My second thought was “why is it so friggin hot in here?” The third was “why does my butt hurt when I had breast surgery?”
The first person I remember seeing was Dr. Banks. He came over and told me that the surgery went fine and that he liked the new pink hat on my head. I couldn’t figure out how my pink hat got there – apparently Martha got someone to put it on me because I had told her I didn’t want anyone to see my nappy hair. (Thanks Martha!) Then he told me I would be in recovery for about an hour and pointed out where the clock was so I could watch it. That was a mistake because that is exactly what I did. I am not a patient woman.
There was a recovery nurse assigned to me. She grunted something at me about getting ready to leave for the night and walked away. I tried to get her attention but she ignored me – I don’t know her name so I will just call her Bad Nurse. There was a nurses’ station right across from where I was and the nurse (I will call her Nice Nurse) noticed me trying to get attention and came over to see what I needed.
I told her I was on fire. She very kindly got the blankets off me and said she would get me some ice chips. Well she did, but she took the cup over to my assigned nurse who brought it over and sat it on the bed by my hand and grunted “here” and walked away. I said thank you and really I was grateful, but here is the rub – I could barely lift my arms! On the upside, as I dropped ice cubes on myself trying to get them into my mouth, the ice cooled me down slightly. I was really trying not to, but I started to cry.
Fortunately Nice Nurse noticed my struggle and came over and fed some ice to me and put a cool cloth on my head. She said “I guess she is trying to get done for the night.” I just looked at her. She said “I know. That isn’t your problem. I’ll see what I can do.”
I was trying to be a good patient, but I am watching the clock and thinking if this nurse wants to send me upstairs that would be just great since now I have been there an hour already. It was not to be.
The recovery room was emptying out. There only three people waiting to go to rooms. Nice Nurse went over to help Bad Nurse get her other patient on his way and that seemed to help a little. Bad Nurse came back over to deal with me. I asked her why I was still there. She said “there isn’t a room for you.” (WHAT? I have been at the hospital 12 hours at this point and there isn’t a room? Are you !#$# ing kidding me?) I am not sure whether or not to believe that but I start to get royally pissed off and much to my dismay started to cry again. But I know I was polite when I asked her for more ice. She grunted and shoved some at me. I asked her if maybe they could get my friend from the waiting room to help so I wouldn’t have to bother her. She just grunted at me.
So I am laying there crying and watching the minutes go by. Bad Nurse says “what is your problem?” (Hmmm….. Want a #!$#ing list?) She asked if I had pain in my chest. I said actually my butt hurts. She said “No it doesn’t” and turns around to her paperwork. (YES IT DID! Damn it!) She calls the nurse upstairs where my room should be and is giving the hand off information. I am listening to her and she is getting the information wrong. I correct her on the spelling of my name, my date of birth, and my attending physician. I offered to finish the call for her. (Yes, now I am getting REALLY mad!) Nice nurse hears this and comes over to check on me. I told her that the nurse was getting my information wrong – she said don’t worry she is sure they will go over it again upstairs. I asked her if she could please find my friend Martha in the waiting area because I know Martha would feed me some ice and not grunt. She laughed and promised to find her and told me to “be good” while she did that.
In the meantime, Martha Jo was as having her own concerns. She had talked to both of my doctors but was also watching the time go by with no other information out of recovery. Apparently, the waiting area just started to shutdown even though she and a sweet little Greek man were still waiting to hear when their people would move upstairs. No more pager notices or TV screen tracking. They were even turning the lights off on them! Of course, Martha took matters into her own hands and walked back into the surgery waiting area where we started and demanded to know where I was. Right about that time, Nice Nurse walked out and said “you must be Martha.” I will tell you, I have never been so glad to see a friend come walking toward me as Martha walking across the recovery room. She looked like she could have passed out from exhaustion. I said “I am so over this” and she said “me too.”
At long last, I was sent to my room on the fifth floor – almost two hours after getting to recovery. Argh.
I felt like I was getting motion sickness going down the hall but I was so relieved to be escaping . Bad Nurse Gruntie. The night nurse on 5 – Erleen – met us at my room. I loved her. The first thing she said was “you’ve had a long day, haven’t you?” Martha and I both said “you have no idea.”
Erleen is what a nurse should be. She actually tries to work with a patient to figure out how to make things better. When another nurse told me I would have to scoot from the gurney to the bed and I said “No, I am going to stand up and get in the bed normally.” That nurse said No, that I would fall or throw up. Erleen said” then we will deal with it.” So I got in the bed myself (and more comfortably that I would have otherwise) and then said “Please give me something to throw up in!” Erleen laughed and sent the other one to get ginger ale and a cool cloth for my head. She got pillows and sheets to Martha could sleep on the day bed in my room. Although, I am not sure how Martha slept at all since I asked Erleen to turn the temperature in the room down as far as it would go. Everyone was freezing but me – seriously thought I could catch fire. Erleen also believed me when I told her that my butt hurt - she didn’t say “No it doesn’t.” She checked it out said I had a bruise on it - apparently I got it when they moved me from the OR table to the gurney and helped me get more comfortable to take pressure off it.
Side question: why is it that morphine will take the surgery pain but no do anything about the pain of a butt bruise? This makes no sense to me. Morphine also gives me a headache.
Back to the story - the best part was Erleen told me she couldn’t stand Bad Nurse from the recovery room and that were going to go over all my information again because she heard me trying to correct Bad Nurse when she had called. I felt so much better cared for. Then she told me that she needed to ask me some psychological questions, starting with the standard – What year is it? Who is the president? Etc. But then: Have you ever wanted to hurt yourself? My answer – “No of course not.” Have you ever wanted to hurt anyone else? My answer – “Today? You want a list?” She said she was glad they hadn’t removed my sense of humor!
It was a long night because when I did feel like sleeping, they woke me up to check on me. When I was awake, I was uncomfortable. There was also a very kind nurses’ aide, Imitrea, who was wonderful going the extra mile to make me feel better. She had to have been freezing because I made them keep the air down to 60 degrees, but she never once complained, putting cool cloths on my head, bringing me ginger ale, fluffing pillows, etc. Care like that can get you through the worst of things. The day nurse, Margaret, was also wonderful and helpful and believed what I said to her. I was very fortunate to have such great nurses taking care of me on the 5th Floor.
Another side note though: Hospital food is poison. I am sure of it. Thankfully Martha found me a banana, which I nearly inhaled. Martha was astonished by its disappearance.
By the time the doctors came in to see me in the morning, I had already been up out of bed twice, and was sitting up in a chair waiting for them. They were surprised but pleased with the progress and told me that if I felt up to it, I could go home by the end of the day. I said “how about now?” But they said later in the day so they could watch my progress.
That would have been fine -but ENTER NURSE J.
Nurse J first came in before Martha Jo woke up, I realized it was her walking in and quickly pretended to be sleeping so she would leave and she bought it even though she was loud. When she came in the second time, Martha was awake but I again pretended to be sleeping. Martha sent her away. Time 3 we were not so lucky – she caught us right after lunch before we could pretend to sleep and said this insightful thing. “I learned something from you guys – if the light is off – you are sleeping – that is good as a sign not to bother you.” (Hi Rocket Scientist – nice to meet you!) Argh. She gave us some supplies that we needed for my home care (that any nurse could have taken care of) and left – but not before she said she would be back before the end of the day. WHY? We didn’t know. Really, honestly we did not need a thing from her. However, she did try to come back when nurse Margaret was checking me out to see if I could go home. Margaret sent her away and I begged “please make that woman leave me alone.” As we were getting ready to leave, Nurse J sent another nurse in to tell me that she had called to check on me and to call her if we needed anything. We didn’t. We won’t. Ever.
Martha said – “watch, they will hold you until rush hour so I will be nervous driving.” I said, “and it will rain” and were kidding, but wouldn’t you know that is exactly what happened. In part because nurse Margaret’s pointless nurses’ aide kept going to wheel other people out instead of me and then just stopped working and sat in the wheelchair at the nurses’ station until Martha went and got her. At that point we were totally ready to get the hell out of there.
Maybe they annoy you on purpose so you are too pissed off to worry about going home…….. It isn’t how I would do it, but it works…..
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